The Best Service Starts with Weakness

One of my favorite tasks in the NWS is working radar. I enjoy the challenge of figuring out what storms are, or will be, doing and how to best communicate those threats to people (through warning vs. not warning decisions, what tags to use, and so on). Ironically, though, working radar also happens to be the task that I most often deal with some anxiety about. Typing that last sentence is difficult for me and I keep thinking through ways to word it in a way that sounds the least negative. That wouldn't be very honest of me, so I'll just leave it as is. Oh, the joy of weaknesses and struggles. Can I get an 'amen!'?! No takers? Didn't think so.

As a general rule, I struggle with being open and honest with co-workers regarding my weak areas. I subscribe to the 'honesty is the best policy' idea, but really struggle to put that into practice sometimes. The past year here at the NWS Wichita office (hard to believe it has been a year already!) has challenged me a lot in this area of honesty. What I've come to realize is that my struggle with being honest with others actually starts with the struggle to be honest with myself.

At my first NWS office (Great Falls, MT), I had very little anxiety when working radar. A lot of people in the office didn't want to work radar, which gave me lots of opportunities to gain experience and confidence. You'd think that confidence would follow me here to Kansas, but it didn't quite work out that way. In Montana, I was warning for small towns and cows. But now I am warning for a much larger population. The city of Wichita, alone, has more people than the entire NWS Great Falls' CWA. The magnitude of severe weather is different here as well, especially regarding the higher frequency of tornadoes and the significant threat to life and property that that threat, alone, carries. There are simply more people in my current CWA to be "hit". Radar is radar, though. It's not like dBZ values have a different meaning here. CC still drops with debris, Dual-Pol data still reveals large hail, tornadoes, and heavy rain processes. The only thing that changed was my mindset (stressful vs not stressful) towards working radar.

I didn't want to admit this and for months I kept trying to hide it...from myself. Which, if you think about it, is kind of a silly goal, and yet it is a very real problem. The truth is, I got some great radar experience while in Montana, but still needed more. I didn't want to need more. I wanted to walk into ICT a confident radar operator, being the go-to guy in severe events. I wanted to be trusted at any point in any event. It simply did not work out that way.

A year in, I have gained additional experience and my confidence is coming back. But, it's still not to the level I want to be at in order to provide the best possible service I can. Part of what has helped me is finally coming to terms with my struggle. I admitted it to myself...I still need improvement on radar. It took me long enough to admit that, but now it is time to be honest with others - this blog post is a part of that and has been a year in the making! In a strange way, working on this post has actually helped me feel more confident. Not that I magically have things all figured out, but now when tasked with working radar, I have one less weight on my shoulder - the weight of acting like I have it all together. Whether anyone in my office ever sees this post, the simple act of typing it out, and making it public, is a huge step even in just being honest with myself.

On a side note, I somewhat comically think back to the first time I was tasked with radar here at ICT. Man, I was so nervous that I was struggling even with the less-visible SPS (a far cry from the confident radar guy I was back in Montana). At one point, the Lead Forecaster I was working with nicely remarked, "You know, it's ok to issue an SPS". I appreciate the grace is in his patience. I have come a long way since that day, but it sure was a low point for me.

So, what about you? Are there any weaknesses or struggles that deep down you know are there, but don't want to admit it? Maybe it isn't even a weakness, per-say...maybe you don't like forecasting or public briefings, but are afraid to admit it. Maybe you don't mind being open with others, but fear their response. I totally understand the concern. I'm not saying you go into work today and draft up an all-hands email about every struggle. Maybe for now you simply need to be honest with yourself.

The beauty here is that the admission of weakness is the beginning of wisdom.

Convincing ourselves that a weakness or struggle doesn't exist, or isn't that big of a deal, can cause us to miss important learning opportunities. Consider this as well...what you learn through your weakness now, could play a vital role in you helping someone else through a similar weakness down the road. Just the simple fact that you are not the only one with a certain struggle can be encouraging!

Now, I will say, being honest with others may open the door to less-than-receptive  responses and I don't want to ignore that possibility. Even in great working environments, there are often one or two that may give people a hard time for showing, or sharing, struggles. If one imperfect individual cannot accept someone else's imperfection...well, that is on them. I know this doesn't ease the fear of a negative response, but I do still believe in the importance of being open with others at times. Start with yourself, then consider opening up to at least a few others.

We ALL have weaknesses and struggles. There are no perfect Meteorologists. If we're honest about our weakness and patient with others', we can all work together to provide the best service possible. If you want to set yourself, and others, up for success, then start with honesty.